Betty's Memoirs
Betty's husband Ken and daughter Miriam put together this collection of memoirs that Betty had started working on this but never finished. Link to Betty's Memoirs
Life of Betty Lacy
Betty Lacy, 78, of Charlotte, died and went to be with the Lord on Monday, May 18, 2009.
Betty was born February 7, 1931, in Oneonta, NY, the daughter of Basil O. and Millicent C. (Hillis) Grigsby. She grew up on her father’s farm near South Hartwick, NY, and attended grade school there in a rural one room school house. She graduated from Hartwick High School in 1949 and married her first husband, Louis Chicorelli in 1951, with whom she had one daughter, Debra Ann. This marriage ended in divorce. In 1955, she graduated from Oneonta State Teachers College with a B.S. degree in Home Economics. She then taught Home Economics at Tioga Central High School, and later as an Extension Service Agent in Otsego County, NY, and Polk County, FL.
She married Ken Lacy in Bartow, FL, on April 27, 1958. They had three children, Robert, Miriam and Marsha. They lived in Chicago, Brighton, IL, Milwaukee, WI., Charlotte, MI and served beside each other in many avenues of church work. She was born again in 1956 and filled with the Holy Spirit in 1976. She taught Bethel Series Bible Study for 2 years, as well as sewing for 3 years and kindergarten for 3 years.
She suffered twenty-two years with a chronic lung condition, but remained a strong, faithful wife, mother, and Christian. To God Be the Glory. She is survived by her husband Ken; children, Debra Ann (Bill) Chicorelli, Robert Lacy, Miriam (John) Woods and Marsha (Domingo) Gallardo; grandchildren, Naomi, William, Nicole, Caleb, Nicky, Jacob, Nicholas, Matthew and Mya. She was preceded in death by granddaughter Heidi.
Betty was born February 7, 1931, in Oneonta, NY, the daughter of Basil O. and Millicent C. (Hillis) Grigsby. She grew up on her father’s farm near South Hartwick, NY, and attended grade school there in a rural one room school house. She graduated from Hartwick High School in 1949 and married her first husband, Louis Chicorelli in 1951, with whom she had one daughter, Debra Ann. This marriage ended in divorce. In 1955, she graduated from Oneonta State Teachers College with a B.S. degree in Home Economics. She then taught Home Economics at Tioga Central High School, and later as an Extension Service Agent in Otsego County, NY, and Polk County, FL.
She married Ken Lacy in Bartow, FL, on April 27, 1958. They had three children, Robert, Miriam and Marsha. They lived in Chicago, Brighton, IL, Milwaukee, WI., Charlotte, MI and served beside each other in many avenues of church work. She was born again in 1956 and filled with the Holy Spirit in 1976. She taught Bethel Series Bible Study for 2 years, as well as sewing for 3 years and kindergarten for 3 years.
She suffered twenty-two years with a chronic lung condition, but remained a strong, faithful wife, mother, and Christian. To God Be the Glory. She is survived by her husband Ken; children, Debra Ann (Bill) Chicorelli, Robert Lacy, Miriam (John) Woods and Marsha (Domingo) Gallardo; grandchildren, Naomi, William, Nicole, Caleb, Nicky, Jacob, Nicholas, Matthew and Mya. She was preceded in death by granddaughter Heidi.
Miriam's Memories
There are so many memories of my mom that I could share but I’d like to remember the values that she had because that has influenced the way I have lived my life.
She loved the Lord and tried to live out her Christian faith openly before those around her. She shared her struggles as well as victories. I remember in Milwaukee when our future was uncertain because my dad lost his job due to the baptism in the Holy Spirit. One day she was praying and the Lord told her NOT to buy extra peanut butter every time she went grocery shopping because he would provide for their needs. She was just amazed how God knew her thoughts because that was exactly what she was thinking of doing. God was real to her. Because of that, it was easy for me to come into a relationship with Jesus myself at a young age.
Mom and Dad put their marriage as a priority. Even when we were all young and living in Brighton, IL, I remember them going away overnight at different times. Sometimes it was just to a motel in the next town. They tried to do that once every quarter (4 times a year). After I had children I saw the importance of that time away as a couple. But I was amazed that they were able to get away consistently even though they had no family living near them, no grandparents to watch us kids. They arranged friends or babysitters to come in. In my own marriage, I’ve tried to keep that pattern – only we have only been able to get away once a year.
Family was always most important to her. I’m thankful that she was a stay at home mom. I always remember her there when I came home from school. In West Allis we would even come home for lunch. One time when I was about fifth grade, I was in school and I had to have a book report project to turn in that afternoon. I’d read a book but hadn’t done anything else. I quickly drew some pictures but I didn’t know what I’d do with them to make them into a “project”. When I was home for lunch, mom dropped everything and helped me find a board, cover it with fabric and attach my pictures to it. I received a special recognition for my project and I felt guilty because it wasn’t really my idea it was my mom’s creativity that saved the day.
Mom kept a diary of my boys when she watched them once a week while I worked when they were small. Here’s an excerpt from Jacob’s book on October 14, 1993: We had a lot of fun today in the leaves! You like to be “buried” in them if they don’t get in your mouth and eyes. Next we played musical chairs and ring around the rosy & the 3 bears. We had to go upstairs and check the beds – no goldilocks today! Caleb likes to imitate Goliath from the Donut man. We got all hyped up about Goliath costumes – using a blue dress – we have to do hats. You really need helmets to look right – and beards! (We have pictures of Caleb & Jacob dressed up in these costumes.)
She was a wonderful mom and grandmother who tried to live her life with God first and marriage and family as her top priorities.
She loved the Lord and tried to live out her Christian faith openly before those around her. She shared her struggles as well as victories. I remember in Milwaukee when our future was uncertain because my dad lost his job due to the baptism in the Holy Spirit. One day she was praying and the Lord told her NOT to buy extra peanut butter every time she went grocery shopping because he would provide for their needs. She was just amazed how God knew her thoughts because that was exactly what she was thinking of doing. God was real to her. Because of that, it was easy for me to come into a relationship with Jesus myself at a young age.
Mom and Dad put their marriage as a priority. Even when we were all young and living in Brighton, IL, I remember them going away overnight at different times. Sometimes it was just to a motel in the next town. They tried to do that once every quarter (4 times a year). After I had children I saw the importance of that time away as a couple. But I was amazed that they were able to get away consistently even though they had no family living near them, no grandparents to watch us kids. They arranged friends or babysitters to come in. In my own marriage, I’ve tried to keep that pattern – only we have only been able to get away once a year.
Family was always most important to her. I’m thankful that she was a stay at home mom. I always remember her there when I came home from school. In West Allis we would even come home for lunch. One time when I was about fifth grade, I was in school and I had to have a book report project to turn in that afternoon. I’d read a book but hadn’t done anything else. I quickly drew some pictures but I didn’t know what I’d do with them to make them into a “project”. When I was home for lunch, mom dropped everything and helped me find a board, cover it with fabric and attach my pictures to it. I received a special recognition for my project and I felt guilty because it wasn’t really my idea it was my mom’s creativity that saved the day.
Mom kept a diary of my boys when she watched them once a week while I worked when they were small. Here’s an excerpt from Jacob’s book on October 14, 1993: We had a lot of fun today in the leaves! You like to be “buried” in them if they don’t get in your mouth and eyes. Next we played musical chairs and ring around the rosy & the 3 bears. We had to go upstairs and check the beds – no goldilocks today! Caleb likes to imitate Goliath from the Donut man. We got all hyped up about Goliath costumes – using a blue dress – we have to do hats. You really need helmets to look right – and beards! (We have pictures of Caleb & Jacob dressed up in these costumes.)
She was a wonderful mom and grandmother who tried to live her life with God first and marriage and family as her top priorities.
Marsha's Memories
We honor a woman today that has been an every day example of faith, courage, generosity and creativity.
Mom was always sewing. That was her thing. It started when she learned sew as a young girl on a trundle sewing machine through the 4H program. She won an award for the first dress she made. She, in fact, got her college degree in home economics.
She loved to pick out patterns and make us clothes. We can remember hours of waiting for her in a fabric store. Many holidays we went to church in her latest creations, all coordinating, of course. I always thought of her clothes were better than store-bought.
She was great at alterations too. I remember smiling on my way to grade school in my newly altered jeans. She had added on fabric to my favorite, but outgrown, high-water pants, and so I had 3 inches of a flowery print on the bottom and I could wear them again. I thought I looked very groovy, thanks to her.
I’ll never forget my favorite Christmas present from her. It was the year every one was getting the Holly Hobbie dolls. Under the tree was a similar looking doll, but one she made herself. It even had bloomers, an apron and shoes!
And when I went to camp in the summer for a week one year, I came home to find she had painted my bedroom all purple – my favorite color – and made me a new bedspread and curtains – 3 tiers, no less.
She touched many lives with her creative talents. She’s made her granddaughters doll clothes, her grandsons costumes, and for many years she made little dolls that were sent overseas in shoe boxes for children at Christmas.
She felt the call to serve her community and beyond. And looking back, she made a great deal of difference by what she did.
Back in the 60’s she wanted to do something for the civil rights movement. Dad had marched with Martin Luther King and Mom wanted to do her part somehow. So she answered an ad in the paper asking for someone to teach sewing in the inner city of Alton, IL, the city close to us. It was for a job training center. Mom loved to tell the story of how she first went around town to recruit people in that neighborhood for the class. She went with Mabel Musgrave, a dynamic black woman, who ended up being a friend for life. Mom knew they’d be pounding the pavement so she showed up in her yellow house dress and practical Hush Puppy Shoes. Mabel showed up, dressed to kill, decked out in a stylish dress and spike heels. Mom brought other women from her church to help teach sewing and they all ended up making long lasting friendships, all because mom wanted to cross racial lines and live out her faith.
She taught others too. She taught sewing at a community college and at the Milwaukee County jail. The prisoners there were really proud of making their own dress to wear to court. Her work there was even featured in the Milwaukee State Journal. In fact, Debbie’s nursing instructors asked her, “Did you know your Mom was in the newspaper?” We were all very proud of her.
Mom always loved being a mom. Not that it was easy. On the table by the pictures is a diary she kept of one day when we were all young. A woman makes a lot happen for a family in one day. She was extremely patient and kind.
She was also a very good sport.
Most of our vacations were budget-friendly, which meant visiting relatives or camping. Still, we went to the ocean and to the mountains. I can still vividly see her jumping in the water, waving us to come in and ride the waves and hiking up a trail with a stick in one hand and the tail of her red bandana flopping on the back of her head.
She helped the teenagers at church with skits, she rounded up funny props, and did a lot of behind the scenes work for them. They called her, “Killer.”
She was serious about teaching us about faith, though too. I remember her telling me I had to forgive Mark Lisser and be his friend. I was in grade school and Mark was in love with me. But he picked his nose, and wore high water plaid pants with smelly plaid shirts, and nobody else liked him. Under conviction from Mom, I forced myself to be decent to him, so he wrote me love notes, which were often grabbed and read out loud. But I still had to be nice to him – that’s what loving your neighbor is all about.
So I just wanted you to know what it was like to have Betty Lacy for a mother, from my perspective anyway. And maybe you will be inspired by her as I will always be.
Mom was always sewing. That was her thing. It started when she learned sew as a young girl on a trundle sewing machine through the 4H program. She won an award for the first dress she made. She, in fact, got her college degree in home economics.
She loved to pick out patterns and make us clothes. We can remember hours of waiting for her in a fabric store. Many holidays we went to church in her latest creations, all coordinating, of course. I always thought of her clothes were better than store-bought.
She was great at alterations too. I remember smiling on my way to grade school in my newly altered jeans. She had added on fabric to my favorite, but outgrown, high-water pants, and so I had 3 inches of a flowery print on the bottom and I could wear them again. I thought I looked very groovy, thanks to her.
I’ll never forget my favorite Christmas present from her. It was the year every one was getting the Holly Hobbie dolls. Under the tree was a similar looking doll, but one she made herself. It even had bloomers, an apron and shoes!
And when I went to camp in the summer for a week one year, I came home to find she had painted my bedroom all purple – my favorite color – and made me a new bedspread and curtains – 3 tiers, no less.
She touched many lives with her creative talents. She’s made her granddaughters doll clothes, her grandsons costumes, and for many years she made little dolls that were sent overseas in shoe boxes for children at Christmas.
She felt the call to serve her community and beyond. And looking back, she made a great deal of difference by what she did.
Back in the 60’s she wanted to do something for the civil rights movement. Dad had marched with Martin Luther King and Mom wanted to do her part somehow. So she answered an ad in the paper asking for someone to teach sewing in the inner city of Alton, IL, the city close to us. It was for a job training center. Mom loved to tell the story of how she first went around town to recruit people in that neighborhood for the class. She went with Mabel Musgrave, a dynamic black woman, who ended up being a friend for life. Mom knew they’d be pounding the pavement so she showed up in her yellow house dress and practical Hush Puppy Shoes. Mabel showed up, dressed to kill, decked out in a stylish dress and spike heels. Mom brought other women from her church to help teach sewing and they all ended up making long lasting friendships, all because mom wanted to cross racial lines and live out her faith.
She taught others too. She taught sewing at a community college and at the Milwaukee County jail. The prisoners there were really proud of making their own dress to wear to court. Her work there was even featured in the Milwaukee State Journal. In fact, Debbie’s nursing instructors asked her, “Did you know your Mom was in the newspaper?” We were all very proud of her.
Mom always loved being a mom. Not that it was easy. On the table by the pictures is a diary she kept of one day when we were all young. A woman makes a lot happen for a family in one day. She was extremely patient and kind.
She was also a very good sport.
Most of our vacations were budget-friendly, which meant visiting relatives or camping. Still, we went to the ocean and to the mountains. I can still vividly see her jumping in the water, waving us to come in and ride the waves and hiking up a trail with a stick in one hand and the tail of her red bandana flopping on the back of her head.
She helped the teenagers at church with skits, she rounded up funny props, and did a lot of behind the scenes work for them. They called her, “Killer.”
She was serious about teaching us about faith, though too. I remember her telling me I had to forgive Mark Lisser and be his friend. I was in grade school and Mark was in love with me. But he picked his nose, and wore high water plaid pants with smelly plaid shirts, and nobody else liked him. Under conviction from Mom, I forced myself to be decent to him, so he wrote me love notes, which were often grabbed and read out loud. But I still had to be nice to him – that’s what loving your neighbor is all about.
So I just wanted you to know what it was like to have Betty Lacy for a mother, from my perspective anyway. And maybe you will be inspired by her as I will always be.
Deborah's Memories
On April 2, 1953 Betty Jean became a Mother for the first time and our lives together began. I treasure my life with her and thank her for listening and caring, and for giving and sharing and for always being there. She was an intelligent woman who underestimated her greatness. Her sensitive and compassionate spirit was a gift to many. I am proud to be her daughter and as it was for her at my birth, it was for me when she left this world an honor to be with her and care for her. My memories of her are innumerable. I will miss her beyond expression and will forever hold her love in my heart.
Robert's Memories
I remember many good times with Mom over the years. One good time we went to Lake Michigan, Warren Dunes State Park about 1965.
We went on two trips to Colorado in 1973 and 1974 and had fun climbing Mount Yale, renting a jeep and visiting Aspen and Vail.
I remember when we all moved to Milwaukee in the summer of 1969 and we noticed how long the winters lasted here. I remember another good memory taking a trip to New York State in 1976 and staying with the Jenson's and visiting both grandparents in Cooperstown and in Loudonville, New York. Mom was a real decent person. I was so used to her being around, I will miss her. Mom you will be remembered.
We went on two trips to Colorado in 1973 and 1974 and had fun climbing Mount Yale, renting a jeep and visiting Aspen and Vail.
I remember when we all moved to Milwaukee in the summer of 1969 and we noticed how long the winters lasted here. I remember another good memory taking a trip to New York State in 1976 and staying with the Jenson's and visiting both grandparents in Cooperstown and in Loudonville, New York. Mom was a real decent person. I was so used to her being around, I will miss her. Mom you will be remembered.
Ken's Memories
COUNT IT A PRIVILEGE
In the early 1960’s when our children were small and our income was low, we bought a home hair-cutting kit at Sears so Betty could cut my hair & the kids’ to save money. One Saturday evening she was cutting my hair & saying I should go to a barber because she wasn’t good at this and didn’t want to do it. Right then the Lord spoke to her and said, “Count it a Privilege”, that is, a privilege to serve me in this way. Her attitude changed immediately.
Fast forward to 2007-2009 when Betty had multiple medical problems and I was increasingly her care-giver until she died May 18, 2009. Due to a lung condition called bronchiectasis, Alzheimer’s disease, & half a dozen other ailments, Betty was physically weak, had difficulty walking, and suffered partial memory loss. In her last year being her full-time care-giver included helping her wash, dress, walk, & so on.
The amount of work involved was sometimes all that I could handle, because in addition there was cooking, house work, grocery shopping, yard work, home repairs, doctor visits, etc. Betty had gradually gone from being my partner to being my patient. I could easily have become angry about the whole situation which instead of improving only got worse. But two things prevented that.
First, I remembered the words the Lord had spoken to Betty back in Brighton, Illinois about serving me. They were so real He might as well have spoken them to me. “Count it a Privilege” became my attitude in taking care of Betty, and saved me from becoming frustrated and resentful about the endless work in serving her.
The second thing that helped was love. The love and appreciation God had given me for my wife at the beginning of our marriage was still very real at the end 51 years later. That enabled me to take care of her here at home with compassion and a good spirit up until 8 days before she died, when severe lower back pain from vertebral compression fractures required hospitalization, then hospice care.
SHE’S WITH ME
In October 1987 our granddaughter Heidi (Miriam & John’s first child) died at Lansing General Hospital one day after being born, an apparently healthy, full-term baby. That loss sent me into 3 weeks of serious grief with frequent sobbing. During that time the Lord said to Betty, “She’s with Me”, meaning Heidi, the infant who had died. So we had God’s comfort and assurance.
Years later, when my wife Betty died May 18, 2009 at Eaton Community Hospice, grief hit me again. At first I didn’t experience the full impact of the loss, and was able to make the funeral arrangements, and take care of legal and financial obligations quite well, being partially numb to the shock of my wife being gone from this world and from my life, after 51 years of marriage.
But when the flurry of activity following her death subsided, reality set in. Her chair at the table was empty; her side of the bed was vacant. There was no one to talk to. The love of my life had departed permanently. My heart felt like it was breaking, and the painful ache of grief dominated my emotions. Loneliness filled my days, even when I was with other people, or working on some project, an on-going reminder that I’d suffered a major loss.
In those early weeks I lost my appetite and couldn’t sleep. Life almost seemed not worth living. Then I decided I had to focus on recovering from grief and becoming emotionally healthy again. I read a series of books on grief recovery, and attended a Survivors Support Group. Soon my prayer life revitalized and I began to thank God for Betty, all she had meant to me, and the good life we’d had together.
And I remembered those words, “She’s with Me”. My beloved wife was home safe with Jesus, free from pain, happier than she’d ever been. If those words, which agree with Philippians 1:23 and 2 Corinthians 5:8, were true for Heidi, they were true also for Betty, a born-again believer. There was reason to rejoice; all was not lost. Betty has gone on to her new life in heaven; now I must go on with my life in the Lord here on earth.
In the early 1960’s when our children were small and our income was low, we bought a home hair-cutting kit at Sears so Betty could cut my hair & the kids’ to save money. One Saturday evening she was cutting my hair & saying I should go to a barber because she wasn’t good at this and didn’t want to do it. Right then the Lord spoke to her and said, “Count it a Privilege”, that is, a privilege to serve me in this way. Her attitude changed immediately.
Fast forward to 2007-2009 when Betty had multiple medical problems and I was increasingly her care-giver until she died May 18, 2009. Due to a lung condition called bronchiectasis, Alzheimer’s disease, & half a dozen other ailments, Betty was physically weak, had difficulty walking, and suffered partial memory loss. In her last year being her full-time care-giver included helping her wash, dress, walk, & so on.
The amount of work involved was sometimes all that I could handle, because in addition there was cooking, house work, grocery shopping, yard work, home repairs, doctor visits, etc. Betty had gradually gone from being my partner to being my patient. I could easily have become angry about the whole situation which instead of improving only got worse. But two things prevented that.
First, I remembered the words the Lord had spoken to Betty back in Brighton, Illinois about serving me. They were so real He might as well have spoken them to me. “Count it a Privilege” became my attitude in taking care of Betty, and saved me from becoming frustrated and resentful about the endless work in serving her.
The second thing that helped was love. The love and appreciation God had given me for my wife at the beginning of our marriage was still very real at the end 51 years later. That enabled me to take care of her here at home with compassion and a good spirit up until 8 days before she died, when severe lower back pain from vertebral compression fractures required hospitalization, then hospice care.
SHE’S WITH ME
In October 1987 our granddaughter Heidi (Miriam & John’s first child) died at Lansing General Hospital one day after being born, an apparently healthy, full-term baby. That loss sent me into 3 weeks of serious grief with frequent sobbing. During that time the Lord said to Betty, “She’s with Me”, meaning Heidi, the infant who had died. So we had God’s comfort and assurance.
Years later, when my wife Betty died May 18, 2009 at Eaton Community Hospice, grief hit me again. At first I didn’t experience the full impact of the loss, and was able to make the funeral arrangements, and take care of legal and financial obligations quite well, being partially numb to the shock of my wife being gone from this world and from my life, after 51 years of marriage.
But when the flurry of activity following her death subsided, reality set in. Her chair at the table was empty; her side of the bed was vacant. There was no one to talk to. The love of my life had departed permanently. My heart felt like it was breaking, and the painful ache of grief dominated my emotions. Loneliness filled my days, even when I was with other people, or working on some project, an on-going reminder that I’d suffered a major loss.
In those early weeks I lost my appetite and couldn’t sleep. Life almost seemed not worth living. Then I decided I had to focus on recovering from grief and becoming emotionally healthy again. I read a series of books on grief recovery, and attended a Survivors Support Group. Soon my prayer life revitalized and I began to thank God for Betty, all she had meant to me, and the good life we’d had together.
And I remembered those words, “She’s with Me”. My beloved wife was home safe with Jesus, free from pain, happier than she’d ever been. If those words, which agree with Philippians 1:23 and 2 Corinthians 5:8, were true for Heidi, they were true also for Betty, a born-again believer. There was reason to rejoice; all was not lost. Betty has gone on to her new life in heaven; now I must go on with my life in the Lord here on earth.
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